everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Holy sore nipples Batman
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
