Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
