Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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