I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
