just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
