I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
