I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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