You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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