Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
