I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
