tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
