Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
