Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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