Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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