Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
