I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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