i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
