fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
