Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
