I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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