I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
