We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
