hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize