i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
