I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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