When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
