Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
