I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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