I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think your dad took our porno
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
