its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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