Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
