I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
