Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
