Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
