I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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