i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
