i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
