He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I supernannyed him into submission
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
