I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's blow job season.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
