a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
