Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
