And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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