The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
