What did we do last night that was yellow?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
