it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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