Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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