Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
