Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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