420 ftw
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
