Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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