remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
